I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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