get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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