Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
