Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
