In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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