So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
