i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
