My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
