he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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