so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize