Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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