sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
