He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
