your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
