my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
