i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize