You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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