Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
