i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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