I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
