Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
