look no pants
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
