I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
