I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
