As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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