what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm way too hungover for life right now
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
