just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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