I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
