Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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