Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he shaved USA in his pubs
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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