Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
