i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
