Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
