i don't like sucking hair
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
