im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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