He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
