my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
