A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
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