So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
