omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
