Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
