we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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