he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
