i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
