So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize