Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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