Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
