Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
As shirtless as possible
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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