I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I think my moral compass just broke
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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