her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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