so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
