The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
