You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
