Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Damn victory sex feels great
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
