I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
God I need to hump something, right now.
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