Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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