dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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