Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
They took my balls.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
