He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Randomize
