It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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