woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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