The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i came on her dog
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
