Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
