i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
