Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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