i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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