I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
