I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
