everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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