Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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