Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i already hear my dad disowning me
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
