Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
