I'm sorry my penis didn't work
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
