no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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