it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
