My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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