your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
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