did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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