Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
