Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize