He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
