it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
