roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
