Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I forget how to act sober
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
