I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
