I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Randomize
