So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
