some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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