does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
