definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
