Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
