my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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