sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
