I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
