Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
