I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
