i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
